Solstice: Through the HalfBreed's Eyes
by jagermeister888
Summary: Reneesme's in her last year in high school and she's plagued with problems. First, she must learn to admit her feelings for Jacob. After that, she and her mate have to deal with covetous half-breeds determined to separate them.
1. Ominous Dreams

Nessie is about to graduate from high school but before that she has to battle it out with her strong emotions for Jake. See her waver from one decision to the next, succumbing to her desires in the end. The story is set eight years after Breaking Dawn.

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Note: Some scenes may not be appropriate for younger readers. This is my very first fanfic and I'd appreciate if you guys will send your comments. Thanks a lot.

(The characters included here are not originally mine)

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**BOOK I: RENEESME**

**I. Ominous Dreams**

Three a.m. The room is dark save for the faint moonlight that sifted through the clouds. I woke up abruptly, gasping for air and my heart pounding violently in my chest. It was the strange dream again.

In my dream, I was caught up in a hot and passionate liplock with the dark-haired guy once more. I was back in the woods, running away from a pursuer, under a lone full moon. It was the kind of dream where you try to push your legs so hard that they're screaming in pain, just to keep a great deal of distance between you and your pursuer. But for some unknown reason, all those efforts are in vain because in the end you're still knocked off of your feet and dragged into a dark abyss. I tried to scream for help but my voice seems to disappear inside my head.

I stood up and padded silently into the bathroom until I stood in front of the sink. I stared blankly in the mirror as the clock ticked. Mindlessly, I flipped the faucet open and splashed cold water on my clammy face. My senses came back gradually and I went back to my room.

I sat on the club chair at the far corner and watched the shadows moving across the pale wall. I'm far from having what you would call a perfect week. The dreams started last night and it had me screaming for help when I reached the part where I started to run. I had to lie through my teeth when my parents, Alice and Esme crashed into my room after they heard my panicked pleas for help. Although the act of lying is regarded as something futile in the company of a mind-reader, I still gave it a shot and hope the reasons running through my head would keep him silent.

I fared better tonight, I think. I didn't scream, because if I did Esme and Alice would've barged through my door waiting anxiously for my explanation. Good thing my parents were in the cottage tonight, this saves me from weaving another set of lies.

Sleep evaded me again, so I decided to quit pretending there will be a second trip for me into the arms of Morpheus. I switched the TV on, regardless of the fact that there is nothing on it that I wanted to watch. I just need something to occupy my mind while waiting for the sun to claim its place in the sky and tell me when it is time to go to school.

Another boring day went by smoothly, which is good, because I'm not in the mood to put up with whatever crappy thing life's about to unearth for me. Lunch with my human friends went by as usual; with me listening to them as they prattled on and on, day after day. In a school where I have to try to blend in, I take pleasure on being part of things and never the center of unnecessary attention. Silence has been my best camouflage so far. Nobody from the group took notice of my more-than-the-usual silence, thus giving me a wide berth to think.

After school, I headed straight back home and plodded through my assignments before hitting the sack. Jacob called but I merely brushed it aside. It's been a week since we've seen each other and he missed me. Funny, it's not the same for me. I've been having an army of russet-fur wolves in my head recently, and it's driving me insane.

The earsplitting shrieks of the alarm clock roused me from sleep. I fought the urge to pulverize the innocent metal device in my hand before turning it off. "It's an alarm clock and it's supposed to wake you up," I reminded myself, besides it wasn't its fault why I keep on waking up in the dead of the night.

It was the dreams. They're the reason behind the presence of the cursed gadget in my room. "Ugh! When will it stop?" I groaned.

I only have half an hour left to prepare for school, not that it would be a challenge for me to get there in time, but still I dragged myself off the bed and made my way to the bathroom to take a shower. The freezing droplets of water pelting my skin were like bullets tearing through the fog of sleep deprivation.

I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror before marching downstairs. There was something in the figure that I haven't noticed before: bruise-like purple circles under my eyes. Okay, that does it. Now I look exactly like the other members of the family.

Not that I have anything against the family, it's just that some of the people in town were glad to see a Cullen who's somehow different from the others. A classmate tipped me on that one.

The story that Edward and Bella dished out on Charlie when they introduced me to him was the same story that made its way around the town. So the people of Forks in the state of Washington think I am the adopted child of Edward, who happens to be the adopted son of Dr. Carlisle Cullen and his beautiful wife Esme. When confronted with the question "Why?" I just tell people that the family's big on adoption.

The superficial knowledge that the people had about my family almost made me laugh. They were right about their judgment about me being different from the other Cullens, I would not deprive them that, although they had it all screwed up. Folks here think I'm more sociable than the other Cullens, especially my father and his siblings. No normal human being knows that the reason for that is because biologically I'm more human than the other Cullens, that is why I can afford to build a closer friendship with normal teenagers like me. But I still have to be thorough and careful with my actions around normal humans. My being half-human isn't an excuse to shirk my responsibilities in keeping the family's secret.

Now, the humans are bound to notice my panda eyes and I'm horrified by the idea that they're going to blame my parents because of this. They'll think my parents are transforming me into a freak like them. As if I need any more transforming to become a freak than I already am. Freak. I can think of other words for that: odd, queer, abnormal, strange, bizarre, etc. Those labels doesn't really bother me, I just don't like these people to think negatively of my parents.

Hell, I can be one, if not the most, spoiled child in the continental US. Consider this, who in Forks had been given a brand new sterling grey Ford Focus Coupe for their 7th birthday? Okay, that would be me. Haha, that's an understatement because I had to talk my dad into the idea of giving me that car instead of a flashy sports car.

I also have an abundant source of emotional support not only from my parents but from the whole coven and my werewolf bestfriend, Jacob, as well. I cannot ask more than that. That's why my mission is not to become a half-human half-vampire spoiled brat.

Going back to the apparently visible evidence in my face, it is true that the dark patch under the eyes is one of the distinct features of our kind and it is part and parcel of our true nature. Given that, it still does not validate the existence of the blotches on my face because it's not there because of that same reason. The wretched images got them there.

I was still brooding over it as I stomped off to the garage. Halfway there, Esme caught up with me.

"Good morning darling," she greeted, ignoring my glum disposition. The comforting sound of her voice mollified me, making me smile. She shook her head disapprovingly as she traced the shadows under my eyes.

"Oh, good morning too Esme." I reached out and hugged her. "Heading to Olympia?" I asked.

"Yes. We're trying to finish as much as we can today."

"But where's Alice?"

"She'll be down here any minute."

"I'm running late for school. Have a nice day though," I said as I planted a kiss on her smooth cheek.

"Bye Alice. See you later," I said towards the direction of Alice's room. She laughed playfully.  
Aside from my parents and me, the other members of the Cullen clan are currently in Switzerland and they've been staying there for two years. Alice and Esme are staying with us for two weeks because they're working on a restoration project in Olympia.

I climbed on the car and threw my bag at the passenger seat. The engine purred to life. Put my foot on the accelerator and flew out of the garage and disappeared into the highway. Minutes later, I skidded into a halt on my usual spot in the parking area near the cafeteria entrance.

The final stroke of the bell pealed as I charged down the hallway towards my English class. Mr. Berty was just starting to settle his things on the table when I came in. Quietly, I slid into my seat.  
"Whoa, rough night?" my seatmate, Scott, asked. Great, he greeted my unwelcome visitor. I wonder if this is better than hiding it with a concealer. Hmmm… I think so. My total inexperience with make-up told me it's better to go bare.

"Yeah, one helluva night," I answered casually. Most of the time Scott sits quietly in his side of the table and it seems like my unusual appearance stirred his curiosity. Fortunately, Mr. Berty called the class to order so Scott wasn't able to press the subject anymore. I concentrated on today's topic to keep my mind from wandering because my nightmares were hounding even my daytime reverie.

Every now and then someone would comment on my eyebags' worsening condition. Come lunch time, I met more bewildered looks as I worked my way through the chattering crowd. Yeah, just like a freak show. Wait, maybe I'm just too paranoid.

The room's half-full when I joined Scott and the rest of the gang on the table. They all turned to look at me when I pulled the chair between Scott and Lily. I let out a grunt.

"What?" I asked, masking the alarm in my voice. As far as I can remember I haven't done anything non-human in front of these people so why are they so shocked to see me.

"You look awfully like a distressed chicken," Lily commented, the joy in her voice was unmistakable. She's clearly enjoying the fact that something's bothering me enough I can barely sleep.

It makes me wonder if vileness runs in her family. She's Jessica Stanley's cousin, who happened to be one of my mom's circle of friends during high school. Edward caught a glimpse of Lily's mind during my first day at Forks High School and whatever he heard from her triggered a warning from him. I never asked my dad to elaborate on that but I heard him muttering under his breath something that sounds like "Just like her cousin."

"Hey, that's not so nice," Colleen snapped at Lily.

The latter unashamedly rolled her eyes on the scolding lashed out on her. I snorted almost inaudibly. Colleen then turned to me.

"But seriously girl you look like you need some good night sleep," she admitted and patted my arm. But before I can even open my mouth to thank her, Allan butted in.

"Are you sure you're all right?" Allan asked. He's Lily's on-off boyfriend and also the youngest son of the Adams who owned the Thriftway, Forks' local grocery. "Because you look like you're going to pass out any time. I can drive you home if you want," he added, his eyes flashed impishly at his last words.

Ugh, has he forgotten the fact that his girlfriend is sitting beside him and she can hear every word that he says? I didn't have to look at Lily's face to know she's scowling at me. It's not my fault she ended up having a delusional flirt for a boyfriend.

I took a swig of the soda and shook my head. "Thanks but no thanks. I've got my own ride remember?" addressing Allan. "Guys, I'm fine. Maybe it's just insomnia. Anyway, I'm planning to give my grandpa a call about this," I told them nonchalantly.

The conversation took a different turn after that. The topic: movies. They were talking about mainstream flicks, which I'm not very fond of so I just listened to them while I ate my lunch. I was starting to ease up a bit when Allan dropped the bomb.

"That reminds me, Scott and I are planning to go surf at La Push next weekend. Who's in?"  
My heart skipped a beat and for five seconds I was staring at a stain on the table. I looked at Allan and imagined myself hurling the soda can to his face. I sighed. This day decided to definitely rise up in arms against me.

If I join the group, there's a big possibility that I will run into Jacob. I don't know how I can handle that, yet. If I don't go with them and they run into Jacob, that might still trigger a reaction from Jake. Either way I will see the one person I'm not ready to face. Dammit! Seems like I need to settle my troubles sooner than I thought.

"Nessie, are you coming with us? Colleen asked, yanking me out of contemplation.  
"Yeah, I'm cool with that," I answered, trying to disguise my agitation. The rest of lunchtime went by without further provocation. Or is it because my mind started to become numb with drowsiness? More likely.

I can barely understand the lessons that afternoon. In Calculus, I was struggling to keep my eyelids open as I watched the rain outside the window. Mr. Varner's voice droned in the background.

I hadn't been sleeping well for three days in a row. Surely that will take its toll on me. I had to remind myself I still have to battle it out tomorrow in case sleep escape from me tonight. Then I can sleep myself out on Saturday.

The rain turned to mist when I finally broke through the cafeteria doors. I was dragging my leaden feet to my car at the same time focusing on not falling face first into the wet concrete.  
I slumped down inside the car. I very nearly succumbed to sleep because of the comfortable seat. I played some rock music to pull myself off that deadened state. Somehow I was able to get my focus together. I started the engine and peeled out of the parking lot before the momentary alertness loses its potency.

By the time I reached the garage at the north side of the mansion, my consciousness was reduced to smithereens. My eyelids felt heavy, I let them droop. It's such a relief to finally close my battered eyes.

The usual smooching prelude was gone this time. But I found myself right smack in the middle of the forest, with the pregnant moon high above the night sky. The wind blew, stirring the motley scent of the forest. I caught a familiar scent, a mix of bergamot, lavender, jasmine and a hint of citrus notes. A perfume that, despite its luscious aroma, sends shivers down my spine reminding me of that eventful day in the field eight years ago. It was a visit from the Volturi.

Whoever owns that scent is heading towards my direction fast, and that means I have to make my move. Then another bouquet wafted in the cool evening air. I turned to stare at the direction where it came from. Slowly, a figure moved out of the shadows and stepped into the dim light that filtered through the treetops.

He stopped about a dozen yards away, looking at me ruefully. I gazed at the smooth contours of his torso, remembering how it felt as my fingers grazed his shoulders. My heart stuttered as a rush of heat flashed across my skin.

Instinctively, I looked up to see his face, only to realize that he was smiling, as if he could read my thoughts and took pleasure in what it contained. He raised his right hand and beckoned me forward. I shook my head in disagreement to whatever he was thinking. I turned to my right and sank into a crouch then launched myself forward. The trees around me turned into a grey wall as I whisked past them, in a pathetic attempt to leave my worries behind. Just like any coward. It ended the same way it did the past few nights. I got knocked out and dragged into the darkness. My muted screams added to its horrifying effect.

My eyelids flew open and I'm faced with the pressing darkness of the room. A cold hand caressing my forehead made me twitch.

"Sorry, did I wake you up?" my mom asked anxiously.

"Nope, you didn't," I sighed, wrapped my right arm around her waist and snuggled close to her.

"Edward told me you're sleeping but you were also thrashing in your blanket that's why I came to check."

"Mmm… I'm glad you did. I had a nightmare," I admitted before I let out a big yawn and buried my face into her cold chest.

"You can tell me about it if you want. But in the meantime, you need to get back to sleep."

She leaned her cheek on top of my head as she held me closer to her. Downstairs I can hear the mellow sound of the notes of the lullaby that my father created for me. In less than a minute, I dozed off.

I woke up to the sound of heavy downpour pounding on the roof. I found my mom sitting on the club chair, her legs curled up on the seat, reading a book. She looked up when I moved towards the bathroom.

"Is 'good morning' a good greeting for you today?" she asked. She's obviously worried about the considerable tossing that I did in my sleep plus the shadows under my eyes, which stood out against my pale complexion. I fancy what she has in mind right now.

"Good morning will work just fine," I chuckled then marched into the bathroom.

I scrutinized my face as I dried my hair. The annoying purple circles made me look haggard. All the extra efforts that I've exerted in dodging the troubling visions dogging me around, wore me out. Ooops! That hit me and had me laughing. The idea that the visions trespassing my thoughts are about Jacob and the fact that it is dogging me around was out-and-out hilarious.

I went back to my now empty room to get dressed. I realized Bella turned off the alarm clock sitting atop the bedside table. I turned to my closet, instead of fussing over my clothes, I just pulled a plain white v-neck t-shirt and black pants out of the closet. So failsafe and something that would earn a disapproving look from Alice. I grabbed my backpack and my favorite black crumpled jacket before hopping downstairs.

The rich aroma of freshly brewed coffee filled the air. Edward and Bella were in the kitchen whipping up something that would satiate my growling stomach. I already told them they don't have to do this for me because I can fend for myself but they said they were doing it not only because they want to pamper me but also for the sake of doing something. The idea of not having to do anything for a long period of time can be dreadfully boring so I let them be.

"Good morning," I squeaked, a little too enthusiastic especially on a rainy day. I perched myself on one of the chairs in the breakfast nook.

Bella's lips stretched into a bright smile and she handed me a cup of warm coffee. "Here's something to perk you up."

"Good morning too, my dear princess and here's your breakfast," Edward said cheerfully as he slid the plate in front of me.

I laughed heartily. "Thanks dad. I do enjoy basking in all the love and affection that the family and Jacob, I winced when I mentioned his name, can give because it makes me feel special. Unfortunately, I'd rather not have my classmates see that because that will be the end of me," I teased and made a face of mock horror.

They burst into a melodious laughter. Bella reached across the small table and stroked my hair. Feels like nobody's about to burst the bubble by mentioning my restless sleep or even my panda eyes.

I started on my breakfast. After I popped the fourth slice of waffle into my mouth, Alice appeared beside me wearing a scowl on her face. I grinned and said, "Hello."

"Reneesme, don't you love me?" she asked sadly. It caught me off guard. I never thought I would offend her like this.

"Aunt Alice, you know that I do love you-"

"Words!" she spat.

Uh oh, she really is mad. I threw frantic looks at my parents. Edward looked serene as he stared outside the window. My mom was leaning her head on my dad's shoulder with her eyes closed. They've abandoned me, much to my surprise, to have a taste of Alice's wrath. I looked back at her. I tried to swallow the lump on my throat but to no avail.

"Aunt Alice, you know it's raining buckets today. The rain would probably ruin the pretty clothes that you gave me if I wore any of them today." I said, stating the obvious as my defense. I tried to figure out if the storm's about to end.

"Alice, don't be too hard on her. She's been wearing some of the clothes that you gave her, when the weather allows her," Edward said to my rescue.

I grabbed the opportunity to finally calm her down. "I can show them to you, to prove dad's not lying." I touched her cheek and the memories flooded through me.

"I'm glad you like the floral dress that I gave you last summer," she said, evidently placated.

"Well as long as I can keep most of my skin to myself, then I would be glad to wear any item of clothing that you give me. It's difficult enough to get the boys off my back so I don't need to flaunt my assents on them." I told her grudgingly. I wolfed down the remaining waffle and kissed them goodbye.

The morning rain didn't show any sign of slackening as I pulled up at the parking lot. Right after I slammed shut my door I spotted a Volkswagen Rabbit five cars away from me. There's no mistake, it was Jacob's car. The wolf charm dangling from the rear view mirror was made of coiled and twisted copper wires. It was a product of my own bare hands, when I was searching for an outlet to vent out my excitement over our homecoming.

After four years with the family and have me cooped up in the house, Bella and Edward decided to come back to Forks. That decision was hugely influenced by my waning growth spurt and my longing for Jacob. We've been away from each other for a long time and I terribly miss him. I gave that small gift to Jacob when we finally made it back here.  
Instead of the Rabbit's owner, I noticed it was Paul sitting behind the wheel. I made a beeline for the car, stopping on his side as he rolled the window down.

"What a surprise. So what brings you here, Paul? I asked. The first statement was true to its words. It could've been less of a surprise if it was Seth or Quil or Embry. As for my question, I had a hunch on what the answer would be but I wasn't ready for the reaction that he was about to lash out on me.

He burst into loud guffaws, taking me by surprise. "Nessie, are you for real?" He was shaking his head and another roll of laughter shook him. "When was the last time you've been with Jake?"

"Last Saturday," I answered automatically and that's the truth.

"And the last time you talked to him?" he asked in the same teasing tone.

"Uhm, the same day I guess." The direction that we're heading with these questions proved my hunch was right.

"You see, it's almost a week since you've talked to Jake and you never returned any of his calls, and now you're shocked that one of us came here to see what's going on," he mouthed the words slowly, highlighting the incredulousness in his voice.

I gripped the handle of the umbrella tightly while I stood there in the rain considering his words.

A quiet moment passed between us while I strung my thoughts together.

"I'm sorry. I've been extremely busy this week. The teachers have gone sadistic, piling works on us so I have to do double duty. I planned to call Jake last night but I dozed off right after I set my pen down," the words came out of my lips easily and glibly. "Tell him, I'll call as soon as I get home later, I promise," I added and pushed the corners of my lips into a thin smile.

"I sure will so you better keep your promise kid," he guaranteed whilst prodding my forearm. "I almost forgot. Jake asked me to give this to you." He held out a folded piece of paper, which I took and slid into my jacket pocket.

"Thanks man. Look, I have to go now. The rain's picking up," I said and waved goodbye.

_What's going on? Why haven't you returned my calls? I'm worried sick but I know you'll be mad if I pop in front of your school today so I asked Paul to take a look. I don't know what's going on but you will still come to La Push tomorrow, right?—Jacob  
_

I opened Jake's letter while waiting for our second period to start. It's Spanish class under Mrs. Goff, who wasn't able to hide her shock during our first meeting. "I don't believe Edward has a teenaged daughter. Hija, he's still so young, don't you agree?" He's still so young. I had to bite my lip to smother my laughter over that one.

I looked at the letter again. Jacob asked me three questions, questions that need to be answered. They have to be, right? At some point I will have to face a conversation concerning dreams. That reminds me of Edward. I know he knows about my nightmares but why hasn't he said a word about it? At any rate, this is going to be a difficult conversation.

I had a little trouble keeping my mind on the lessons that day. For a change, it wasn't because I felt drowsy rather it was because I was having an internal debate as to how to solve my nocturnal problem.

Mr. Varner dismissed the class five minutes earlier. I have a very strong feeling it has something to do with his buoyant mood, which worked incongruously to the damp and dismal weather. All the while, his face contorted into a smile which made him look like a piece of bread left inside the bag.

I clambered onto the car and shut the door immediately as great drops of rain beat on the car roof.

I fished out a silver phone from my bag and punched in Alice's number.

"Hello," Alice's silvery voice greeted me and I can imagine a smile on her face.

"Er, are you done for today? I was thinking if we can go out and have some girl bonding since it's Friday," I said. I was still battling with myself whether I would talk about this with them or better not to.

"Sure. Where do you want to go?" Her voice chimed with enthusiasm.

"Where are you now exactly?"

"Esme and I are still in Olympia but we can meet you in a jiffy," she offered.

"I'll meet you there. I think I need some city vibe after a stressful week. I'll have to make some calls though then I'll be out of here."

"Okay. Call me when you're in the city. Bye."

"Bye," I said and dropped the call. Immediately, I pressed my father's number.

"Reneesme?" Edward asked, surprise leaked from his voice. I rarely call them from school so he must be worried something wrong happened.

"Um, I asked Aunt Alice and Grandma for some bonding moment and we've decided to meet in Olympia. Besides I have to make up for what happened this morning with Alice."

"Have a good time then."

"Thanks," I said and pushed the button to end the call.

It's time to make that call for Jacob. I sat there for a while twirling the cellphone in my fingers, organizing my thoughts and fervently wishing he isn't home yet. I took a deep breath and dialed his home phone number. Nobody's picking up maybe nobody's home. Lucky me. I left a message.

"Hey Jake, it's Nessie. Sorry I was out the whole week. I got busy. Hope you already heard from Paul. I'm going out tonight with Esme and Alice for some bonding. Don't worry much, I'll behave. Bye."

There, I called him as promised but I haven't settled anything yet. I still need to think of a way to clear up the crazy mess I'm in. First things first, I need to talk with Alice and Esme since I can't seem to handle this on my own. I cranked up the engine and felt it come to life, within seconds I was flying out of the parking lot.


	2. Disclosure

**II. Disclosure**

I found them in an empty cafe, except for two men occupying a table beside the windows facing the street. They were sitting at the far corner of the quaint room, with the food on the table waiting in vain. I'll be the one to put an end on that misery, and smiled at that thought. I called the waiter for a Café Amaretto and flashed him a smile after getting my order. I watched him stumble away, oblivious of my own audience. Only when I turned to our table did I realize that two pairs of golden eyes were looking at me, bewildered.

A dry throaty sound, like a laughing dog, pierced the silence. It took me half a second to recognize my own nervous laugh. "You're not going to chicken out on this one, are you?" I asked myself silently, that particular question keeps popping in my head while I push headlong to Olympia. And I was confident on having this conversation with Alice and Esme with nary an awkward moment, but all that seems like they're thrown out of the window now.

"Just let it go," my own little voice whispered, and in my head I saw a crystal vase drop and hit the hard floor, shattering into a million pieces. Yes, just like how my reluctance and self-consciousness crumbled. Before my nervousness turns into a full blown panic attack, Esme reached across the table and held my hands.

"Tell us about it dear," she said gently.

"How bad was I this week?" I asked. Their observation on my behavior will give me an idea on the extent of the damage caused by my bedtime specter.

"You had us all worried since Tuesday night. You were so restless, disturbed and secretive," Esme admitted.

"Aside from that you were also erratic and sulky. Plus, you ignored Jacob's calls," Alice added.

They did not fail me. Their impeccable attention to details made me grimace though because that means my lies were ineffectual. It makes me wonder if it's the same with the humans. I took a deep breath before I plunged into explanation, bracing myself for any reaction over what I am about to show them.

"Well, you pinned everything down," I said with a dark smile. "I just need to show you why." I put each of my hand on top of theirs. The moving pictures only took seconds to make everything clear, to my audience at least. From the outside, we look like three women, inhumanly beautiful at that, who seem to be having a completely normal conversation.

To think I was prepared for harsher reactions, you can only imagine my surprise when I heard the trill of their laughter. In return they gave me an equally amused look. My order came before Alice spoke and used it as an excuse to tear my eyes away from their appraising look.

"Tell me you're not being a grouch because of that," she said, her voice saturated with incredulity.

A chagrined smile was the only response I can give her. At the same time, Esme gave my hand a little squeeze.

"Nessie, honey, you remind me of Edward's reaction towards Bella when Alice told us of their future together. That was after the accident that almost crushed your mother to death. Edward was so adamant against it," Esme said.

"And just like him, you've already fallen before realizing it," Alice chided.

Absently, I was nibbling on the pastries. I was focusing more on what I've heard and mulled over it. We were silent for a while and I became aware of the conversations around us. More than that, my throat itched with thirst while I enjoyed the intoxicating bouquet of human blood. It's been a couple of weeks since I last hunted and lack of sleep made it more difficult for me to suppress my thirst. I summoned my remaining strength and will power to keep my head on and focus on our conversation.

"Jacob's been with the family for a decade and I know he's a good person, and he has my full confidence," Esme said finally.

"Yeah," was my genius reply. I don't know what else to say, besides I have no idea what made Esme say that.

"Then why are you so reluctant with the relationship?" Alice mused.

"That's what you're thinking? That I'm having second thoughts in entering a more intimate relationship with Jacob because of my opinion of him?"

"Isn't that the reason?" Esme asked, puzzled.

"No, not at all," I clarified, and shook my head for emphasis. "I was bothered by the fact that I was having improper fantasies of my best friend.  
I'm also worried about how mom and dad would react to it."

"Believe me, there's nothing to worry about them. They'll handle it gracefully," Alice assured.

"You can relax now," Esme said as she rubbed my arm soothingly.

But the conversation is far from being over, and they both knew that. So far, we've talked about the first picture and we have to talk about the second part of my nightmare.

"The second one, are we going to consider it as moot point? Considering I'm no Alice," I said, clueless as to how to go on with the discussion. The grave expression on their faces was enough to answer me.

"Reneesme, even if you're talent is not the same as mine we simply cannot disregard you nagging dreams. For all we know they can be real warnings. At this moment I don't know who will pose as a threat to you but I'm sure it's nothing from the Volturi. I wonder who it will be but don't worry I'll always keep watch," Alice explained.

"Would you mind if we open this matter up with Carlisle?" Esme asked, quite unsure.

"The second part of the dream? Sure. I want to know Grandpa's take on this," I agreed, qualifying my answer. After that, we moved on to lighter topics.

The moon had crept up to its position in the dark mantle of the sky when we cruised up the driveway of the big white house. I can hear Edward playing a sad unfamiliar tune in his piano. We left the cars in the garage and glided into the front room of the house to join my parents. With much relish, Edward played for us our favorite tunes and the group split into two following the performance. Esme and Alice took off to hunt while the three of us headed back to our cottage.

Esme gave the cottage to my parents on Bella's nineteenth birthday and that was eight years ago. Last year, I struck a deal with Edward. I get to keep his room in the mansion and in exchange of that he will have more private time with my mom. Extensions were then added to the main building to accommodate more of our things, especially Edward's stuff that were carted off his old room.

During the renovation, I had to remind Esme that she doesn't really have to expand my room because I have another room at the other house. Instead, I asked to have the back wall of my room changed into big glass doors so I can have my private garden too complete with a small pond.  
Edward mentioned to me once that Esme would love any excuse to renovate so I indulged her by letting her redesign my acquired room. Ivory, parchment and cream became the dominant colors of my new room. Apart from the glass walls facing the river, the walls were sheathed in rift-cut maple panels. Shelves were also built using the same wood. They also got me a new bed that will go in synch with the romantic modernist design of the room. I broke into my happy dance when they finally let me in my new room.

In a couple of seconds we were in front of our stone cottage and I sank into a chair as soon as we got inside.

"Mom? Dad?" I called tentatively. They quickly exchanged loaded glances and stepped to my side. I bet they were waiting for this. There's a good chance they've made the same observations as the others did but Edward's extra talent would give him a head start.

"Something's bothering me," I breathed then I laid my hands on their smooth necks. My memories of my nightmares and the afternoon spent with Esme and Alice unfurled like a movie. I scanned their faces, wary of their reaction but their eyes were kept shut as they watched and their beautiful marble faces were calm.

At the end of my silent narration, I folded my hands on my lap and got ready for the volley questions waiting to be fired. I'm banking on Alice's assurance that Bella and Edward won't burst into violent reactions.

"You've kept this from us?" Bella asked with an accusing tone, making me feel like I've committed a despicable act. I can feel my heartbeat accelerating. Relax, just answer the question.

"Yeah," I said slowly like testing the water before jumping into the pool. "I was waiting for a better timing to open the subject."

"Better timing or guilt?" Bella retorted.

"Guilt?" I asked in a stunned voice. What is she talking about? Yes, I feel guilty but not for hiding my worries from them.

Edward spoke to break the confusion." Wait a second, Bella. I wish to hear your thoughts first." There goes another silent divulgence of thoughts.

Thank heavens for Edward's mind reading ability; the whole family hardly suffers from miscommunication.

"Just as I suspected," Edward said finally, chuckling under his breath. I wish he would stop hoarding the information though, and just spill the beans. As if I don't feel bad enough, he went laughing all to himself, leaving my mom and I puzzled. He smothered his laughter when Bella glared at him.

"You two are not on the same page. Bella, she hasn't done anything like that yet," he said in an exasperated manner. My mind was screaming in protest. Aw, come on. Give a break! She came up with that conclusion? Didn't she pay attention to what I've shown her?

"Ha! You're thinking I kissed Jacob and that experience kept running in my head and went on invading my dreams. And now I'm filling you in because I feel guilty? For the record mom, I feel guilty because in spite of myself those dreams kept coming back. I've been cross-grained the whole week because I'm mad at myself for having that kind of thought about Jacob. He's my best friend for crying out loud." My words came out in one breath, which was a bad idea because the tirade left me breathless. Now my lungs ached for oxygen. I lost control of my temper and I hate being rude to them, but I'm glad my irritation made it easier for me to get the words out.

"Oh," Bella mumbled as the situation dawned on her. All the while, my father kept his silence. I snorted. He even looked serene. That's good. Now I'm left with my beautiful mother to deal with. I can feel her warming up with a rather amused look on her face when I turned my eyes on her. At least she's not mad anymore.

"You're worrying yourself over… that?" she asked, chuckling as she shook her head. I can see why it is a dull idea to bet against Alice and her  
infamous psychic ability because based on their reactions, my parents are conspicuously unperturbed by a ubiquitous topic such as my impending romance with Jacob. Like Alice has said, they'll handle it gracefully.

Unfortunately, the positive reception has done nothing to trim down my qualms, as it continue to gnaw on my consciousness. I can feel my brows pulling together and the small furrow between them deepening when a realization dawned on me. They knew all the while, anticipated it even, then accepted that eventuality and were able to prepare for it. Meanwhile, I was left floundering in the dark—something that my sharpened eyesight wasn't able to handle.

A sudden stabbing pain shot through me. I felt betrayed but I know there's no reason why I should be since it's my own doing. I've always asked my family, including Jake, to stop giving in to my every whim, to make things more challenging to me, to treat me like a normal teenager. Wish granted. I asked for some challenge, right? Then this is it and it's all mine for the taking.

Edward's voice broke my musings. "Bella, love, Reneesme's reactions are entirely normal. Personally, she is quite unfamiliar with emotions that intimate human relationships entail. Am I correct to say so, my dear?"

"Uhm… I think you got it right," I answered although I'm not quite sure myself. Being clueless can be a real pain in the behind and I'm sure the resentment is echoed by a lot of other people, especially those who are not telepathically enhanced. What would I not give in exchange of my father's talent?

"Do you still remember what I've told you about first love?" Edward asked Bella.

The calm expression on my mother's face warped into a contemplative mood. Over a dozen times, I've heard her telling him the murky state of her human memories, as it was dulled by her awfully limited senses. It took her a while to recall that particular moment in her human life.

"You said that when I was watching Romeo and Juliet before the party for my eighteenth birthday. I'm sorry to disappoint you Mr. Cullen but it's rather impossible for me to remember your exact words," she admitted, reaching over to touch his face.

Edward gave her a crooked smile, the one that she love so much, and held her hand to press it against his cheek before kissing her palm. The tenderness of the gesture comforted me. For years I've witnessed my parent's burning passion for one another. Unlike Aunt Rosalie and Uncle Emmett, my parents were more discreet, although there were times when I had to remind them of my presence.

"The glory of love and all that. It's incredible, isn't it, the difference between reading about something, seeing it in the pictures, and experiencing it?" he said as he turned around to look at me.

It makes complete sense. Romantic love, I've seen it a lot of times. That's an understatement. I've been surrounded by it since I was small. Carlisle and Esme, Edward and Bella, Rosalie and Emmett, Alice and Jasper. Sam and Emily, Jared and Kim, Paul and Rachel. Cupid danced and smacked my face with his bows as the names of each pair paraded around my head.

Panic welled up inside me and before I could help myself I was rummaging through my memories with Jacob. One by one, the swarm of pictures incriminated me. I tried to deny it but my rebuttal was demolished by the evidences.

Guilt came down like a tidal wave. Strangely, I was convinced that self-denial was the way to go but seeing the past from a different perspective made me see Jacob taking the brunt of my coquetry. Of all people, I should know better than toy with his feelings. I hate me for letting myself become an insufferable creature. After all he's done for me and my family; Jacob does not deserve any ill-treatment from me.  
"No," I breathed heavily. My fists clenched so tightly I can feel my nails digging into my palms. Anger was bubbling inside me but I kept it at bay, since it won't help me think clearly.

"Nessie, honey, relax," Edward murmured. His voice pulled me away from my thoughts. Only then did I notice his cool fingers brushing my tears away as they roll down my cheeks. I was so engrossed with my own thoughts and feelings that I wasn't aware of Bella taking my seat and settling me on her lap, rubbing my back to calm me down.

She cupped her free hand under my chin and said, "Baby, you have nothing to worry about. Everything will be all right."  
I gave her a frustrated look. Surely, with their heightened senses, my earlier reaction cannot be overlooked. Everything all right. Does she really believe that?

"Yes, she thinks everything will turn out fine," Edward sighed, apparently answering my unvoiced question.

Bella caught that and gave me the answer before I opened my mouth to utter the question.

"It's not the first time Jake's been rejected. Believe me he's pretty tough to crack. It takes more than your withdrawal to dishearten him."

"Nessie, Jacob's not the type who would back down without a fight, especially not this time," Edward said before letting out a sharp bark of amusement, like he's laughing at some personal joke. He simply smiled and mussed my hair when I eyed him suspiciously.  
The internal tension that I've felt the past few days somehow started to weaken. It will only truly fade away once I've dealt with this with the person involved.

"I need to clarify one thing though," I started guardedly. "This conversation alone had me on tenterhooks and to be honest I'm not keen on having to go through it again in the near future," I confessed. "So I was wondering if you would mind if… you know… if Jake and I…? I stammered and failed to finish my question. Jeez, it's so awkward. I twiddled my thumbs as I stared on the floor while sitting on top of my mom's lap, looking like an oversized child. If I wasn't so nervous I would've laughed at this picture.

"We've been anticipating it since last year. That makes you a year late," Edward replied, sounding a little pleased.

Since last year? Hmmm… I guess that means I gave it a pretty good fight. And I'm quite sure I would've been fighting for another whole year if my subconscious hadn't turned against me," I said with a laugh.

"My little girl has grown so fast," Bella whispered while patting my hair.

"Aw, momma, I'll always be your baby girl," I crooned then planted my face at the base of her neck just below the ear. I pressed my fingers against her alabaster cheek and showed her my favorite moments with her. My first glimpse of her, despite the difficulty of the situation, easily snatched the precious spot.

"I'm jealous," Edward butt in.

"Of course daddy, I'll always be you little princess," I purred. He bent over to kiss the top of my head as I placed my free hand on his chest to show both of them my memory when I got out of my mother's body. They've always told me how morbid it was but I won't budge, it remained my most precious family moment.

We were enjoying the moment and I almost forgot the other part of my dream. I find it pitiful I had to burst our bubble.

"Dad, what about the other one? Alice said she doesn't see anything yet but she thinks it's better to take it as a warning. What do you think?  
"It won't hurt to be extra careful. In the meantime, try not to go into the woods alone. We can't hurt any chances of you getting hurt, do you understand?"

"Okay." That wouldn't be much of a problem. I can't remember hunting alone or prancing around the woods on my own. The only time I get to be really alone is when I drive to school.

Half of the tension and burden has been lifted off my chest. Now I can happily take a rest—a real one. Sensing my somnolence, Edward whisked to his piano. The sad and unfamiliar tune enveloped us once more but before I had a chance to ask the name of Edward's new composition I nodded off to sleep.

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(Note: Constructive criticisms are very much welcomed here. Thanks a lot for reading. Hope you're enjoying.)


	3. Pensive

(Since this is a fanfic, the characters are not mine)

(I also appreciate comments and reviews. Thanks.)

* * *

**III. Pensive**

Lethargic and still yawning, I wrenched myself into a sitting position only to gaze blearily around my room. My eyes locked on the glass doors leading to the garden. The warm, golden rays of the sun shone happily on every surface it could find. Nice. Sunny days are rare in the drizzly town of Forks so I better make the most out of it. I have yet to make my itinerary for today and there's no use curling up in bed so I got up to get myself showered.

I got out of the shower without making progress on today's schedule. I went to the garden and stood staring at the reflections on the pond, with my bathrobe on. The sun winked as white fluffy clouds pass through it, scuttling across the azure sky. Then there came a soft knock on the door.

"Come in," I answered, although my voice was too faint for human ears it was loud enough for the vampire who stepped into my room.

"Good morning. How's your sleep? Edward asked, the satisfaction in his voice suggested the activity they've chosen while I was having forty winks. Good for them I was dead as a log or else.

"A whole lot better than the ones I had lately."

"Are you planning to go to La Push or will you spend the whole day staring at that man-made body of water?"

La Push. You will still come to La Push tomorrow, right? My jaw fell open. I forgot to call Jacob last night to tell him I'll come down today. Drat!

"Yeah, yeah. I'll be at La Push today," I said half-heartedly. That activity managed to grab a spot on today's to-do list but it isn't my priority, notwithstanding the fact that it is the only one in the list. To tell the truth, I'm stalling because I'm completely aware that I have loads of explanation to do with Jacob and I'm trying hard to figure out what to say to him.

"I believe it's better to call first. Tell him you're going to be there," Edward offered.

"Sounds good to me," I agreed. It's a practice before the real face off.

"It will help a lot if you know what you'll tell him when you see him today. It eases the tension," he added, obviously picking the anxiety in my thoughts.

A brief nod was my brilliant response. I've been deliberating on the alibi that I would definitely hand out on Jake and the others when the tête-à-tête comes down to my long absence. Without much luck, I managed to work upon flimsy excuses and I know using them later is like walking towards my own trap. Not good.

"Right, I've got to get moving," I told mostly to myself. At the same time, Edward stepped out of the room. I fluttered into my closet to get changed. I pulled a pale yellow tunic over my head and paired it with a pair of orange shorts and wedge sandals, before darting out.

The radiant sun brought the colors of the forest to life. The usually dark-hued leaves were turned to glistening jade where the sun hits them. I kissed Alice and Esme goodbye before heading to the garage and get inside the grey auto. I gunned it to a start and felt the powerful engine purr underneath me. I put my foot down the pedal and in a blink of an eye I was racing through the green tunnel of the driveway then disappeared onto the highway.

Since my alibi has yet to be ironed out, I thought there's no need to tear through the streets towards my destination. I eased my foot from the pedal and drove languidly. I rolled the windows down to enjoy the sweet scent of the morning breeze, filling my lungs with the crisp, cool air. I took my cellphone out and speed dialed Jake's number. He wasn't answering. Possible that he's asleep or maybe he's too pissed off by being away from me for a long time and can't do anything about it. I made a rule telling him to go on with his job at the autoshop in town but he can't see me during weekdays, as a compromise he's allowed to call me to make up for the physical absence. I decided to leave him a message, hoping he would get it on time.

"Rise and shine sleepyhead. Mr. Sun's paying Forks' a visit. It would be a shame to sleep the day away. Anyway, I'll be at La Push later today. I'm so sorry for the late notice. We had an emergency meeting last night, family matters, that's why it got out of my mind to tell you about today's plan. I'm really sorry Jakey. By the way, I want to have some me time first before I drop by your place. My thoughts got a little messed up and I need to clean the debris off my head so I'll be at First Beach for that. That means I want you and our other furry friends to steer clear of me while I'm doing the cleaning. Translation: Buzz off. Haha. I mean it Jake," I said, the last words were garbled with laughter. "Bye, bye. See you later," I said then clicked the phone shut.

Although I wasn't entirely being honest with him, I maintained a certain amount of truthfulness in what I've told him. Right now, I'm not ready to face Jacob. Not until I've composed myself. I find it too embarrassing to behave awkwardly towards him. The mere thought made my face feel hot.

I drove to First Beach and kicked my shoes off after killing the engine. Last thing I want today would be Alice barking at my heels because of a pair of designer sandals drenched in saltwater. I learned long ago that it was futile to tell her to stop buying luxury items for me because I would probably end up harassing them, doing so would only start her haranguing on my blasphemous taste in fashion. Bella would not dare intercede for fear of her own safety. One word from her would definitely involve her in my crime, besides she finds our little argument as amusing.

I strolled along the mile-long crescent of First Beach, feeling the fine sand beneath my feet pushing between my toes, and getting a healthy share of the gleaming sunlight, picking up beautifully-colored stones along the way.

At some point I decided to sit on the ground, near the water's edge, listening to the cadence of waves brushing the shores. I brought my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them, watching the heaving waters.

Since when did I become a worry wart? What is it that truly plagues my mind? At this moment, I'm in dire need of honesty. Yes, honesty to myself. It's the only way I see to clean up the mess. Besides, what good is it to lie about my true feelings, always looking over my shoulder, watching my words and constantly having guarded thoughts? That would put me on strain and there's no peace in that.

I have to admit, I became a pathetic worry wart when the dreams started haunting me. As to the reason why, the conversations last night gave me pretty plausible answers. First, I am in love with my best friend. Second, I am denying that very fact and my subconscious rebelled against it. And third, I am scared of the things in store for me when I eventually act upon it.

Like any other debate, the refutation came almost immediately: I am Jacob's best friend and there might be a chance that he likes me too. I mean why would he not like me? Is there a reason for him not to? Based on the reactions that I mostly get from other male teenagers at school, I believe I am physically attractive. My father reminded me too that we are indeed attractive, to lure our intended prey. I'm confident that I am mentally competent too. I'm also under the impression that he likes my company…

I wanted to kick myself. So what if I am all that? It still doesn't mean he feels as strongly as I do to him. Sure, I am his best friend but I need something stronger than that; something that will bind him closer to me. I let my mind wander idly for a moment, toying with the possibility of having a stronger bond with Jake then it shifted to less important thoughts.

An image of me having sex with Jake crept into my mind and my mouth flew open. I clapped a hand to my mouth in time to muffle my scream. Now what, I'm having problems with intimacy? Sheesh! It's no fun being a prude; add to that the ribbing I would definitely get if Emmett hears this. Luckily, he's thousands of miles away. Being in a more serious relationship doesn't really necessitate sex if we don't want to. We can take things slowly and enjoy every minute of it. Gah! Who am I kidding? I smacked my forehead. Idiot! I'm lying to myself again.

Tell him what you have to say, I convinced myself. But will I be able to handle rejection if it comes to that? Sure enough, pain goes with rejection. Will I be able to handle the pain? Will it hurt as much as if I sentence myself to my own purgatory—where Jacob doesn't exist?

I huffed. Just let it go, stop fretting over petty things. Face the music and stop being a coward.

A sudden flow of numbness washed through me as I breathed in the sultry, briny air. I stretched my legs in front of me while I leaned backwards, letting the sunlight beam on my face. I can't believe I was beating myself over this the entire week. I felt a roll of laughter issuing from my lips. I stayed there for a few more minutes before I started picking up my new found treasures. As I picked up the stones I realized a pair of dark eyes was monitoring my every move. Hidden in the shadows of the forest lining the beach was my stalker.

"Leah," I muttered under my breath, acknowledging her presence. I stood up, toying with the stones in my hands while she phased back and put proper clothes on.

"Sorry. I know I shouldn't be here poking my nose on other people's business, especially when they want to be left alone. But Jake wants to know if you're okay."

I gave her a small smile. Of course, Jake wants to check if I'm fine. Words are not enough to pacify him. Not after my long absence.

"Not to worry, nothing's amiss. Besides, I was on my back to the car when I saw you," I said. "I should be the one saying sorry. I had been under the radar the whole week, making your Alpha fidgety. Now you're here because of that."

She gave me a tight-lipped smile and turned to gaze at the horizon, which suddenly became interesting to her. Things between Leah and me are still in repair. She hasn't absolutely forgiven me over the family's decision to leave Forks six years ago, taking Jacob with us in the end.

The original plan was for the family to move to Appalachia without Jacob. The pain that I've felt was unutterably strong when my parents broke the news to me, reducing me to tears. I didn't quite understand at first why Jake cannot go with us. I tried to beg them out of their decision but they had a clear resolve that not even my tantrums could sway. For two days I cried my eyes out every waking moment I had. It was on the second day that Jacob came rushing over to our house, with an angry look on his face hinting me that he heard the plan and he's not buying it. He caught sight of us over the river. I was on the other side of the water flinging rocks at the others, without really hitting them, who remained on the side of the house.

"Nessie, stop that!" Jacob called.

"Jake!" I screamed. I cleared the river in one bound and dashed to him and climbed on his back, where I clung like a koala.

"Reneesme come back here, please," Bella appealed.

"No," I whined. Jacob reached over and cradled me in front of him.

"Nessie, I need to talk to your father privately. I'll be back, promise," Jacob whispered into my ear.

"Don't let them take me away from you. Please Jake, promise me you won't let them take me," I pleaded.

"Of course, honey. I won't let that happen," he replied as he planted a kiss on my forehead.

I climbed down his back and ran towards Esme, who stood at the far back of the group. I never left her side while we sat in front of the TV waiting for Edward and Jacob to come back. When they showed up Jacob called me from the front door and asked me to sit on the porch step. For a while he paced to and fro in front of me while I watched and waited, dreading over his words.

"Nessie, I want you to listen to what I'm going to say. You may not like what you're going to hear—"

"But— He cut me off by pressing his index finger over my lips.

"Hear me first, please?" he asked. I can only nod my head in response. He sighed heavily and I can see he's having a difficult time too so I shut my mouth. Agony was painted all over his face when he knelt before me to look me in the eye.

"That bad?" I asked, a little more apprehensive.

He nodded morosely. I see. This is beyond my parents' control. Being a brat would not change things the way I want them to be, rather it would only make things more difficult.

"You won't be coming with us then?"

He responded with a nod.

"But you said you would not let them take me away?" I asked, less demanding now as my voice broke.

"Look, your family needs to start anew in a different place. You can't stay in Forks any longer. As much as I want to join you, my responsibilities with the tribe bind me to this place."

He confirmed what I feared. It had me devastated, sending me to a crying fit.

"I don't want to leave you here."

"I don't want to leave you either but things are just too complicated. Listen, I told your dad that we can give this a try. You guys go ahead without me and see how things will turn out. I'll follow it doesn't get any better. Okay?"

"Fine, but I'm going to miss you a lot."

"Me too, munchkin."

After two months of unbearable separation, Jacob left the pack under Sam's supervision and followed us in Appalachia where he stayed for three and a half years. Only to be summoned back to the Olympic Peninsula when Billy suffered from a stroke. I was older that time and I knew I should not deny him the opportunity to be with his father especially now that the old man is sick. I told him to go home, ignoring his dissension. It was a long argumentation but in the end he caved in to my wish. I was hurt once more but I welcomed the pain. I was selfish enough to steal him from his pack, now it's my turn to sacrifice.

Even as a child I was almost inseparable from Jacob. There are things that he would do for me no matter how ridiculous the request would be, and I've put up with his crap too. Isn't it ironic that as a child I would find it difficult to live every single day without Jacob but as a mature half-breed, the idea of being romantically involved with him would be quite… objectionable? Hypocrite. I scoffed at myself.

Leah took notice of that. "What?"

"Nothing. I was laughing at some silly idea I have in mind."

"Can we go now?"

"Sure, sure. Need a lift?" I offered, trying to be friendly.

"Yeah, I have to go back to Sam's place to meet the guys there. I also need to see Jake before I run back to our house."

"I'm really sorry."

"Huh? No lift?"

"That's not what I mean. We both know that by seeing Jake means you're going to report back to him," I said, using air quotations on report. "Don't worry I'll handle that for you. I'm really sorry you had to follow me here. You could've been doing something else that would appeal more to you're taste," I apologized once more as the car turned back to the highway.

"I would feel much better if you'd stop apologizing," she chuckled. "It's fine by me really. Jake was caught off guard when you told him to buzz off. We were surprised too when we heard the message because it was a first from you."

"You were with him?"

"Yup. Paul, Embry and Seth too."

"Did I sound mean? But I was laughing when I said it so how come--?

"I know. I know. Now you know why you shouldn't leave him too much. You'll have a paranoid wolf if you give him excess me time," she said, making fun of the infliction I've caused on Jake.

"How's he?" I asked, searching for clues on what to expect later when I see Jake.

"Rattled," she sighed.

"As expected. Guess that means I'm in deep trouble, huh?"

She didn't say anything for awhile though she looked deep in thought. I turned my eyes back on the road but I was watching her surreptitiously, still on the look for markers.

"Ness, can you be honest with me and tell me what you've been up to lately?" she suddenly blurted out.

My eyes flew open and it felt like my eyeballs are going to pop out of their sockets. I whipped around to face her, simultaneously letting the car slow down to a crawl. The shock I've felt over her pleading tone only came second to the one I've felt when she addressed me personally. Like I said, we were not in the best of terms but we relate to each other civilly. On her part, my name was deemed unspeakable unless the situation calls for it. However, our past actions never gave rise to such situation so this is the first time for her to utter my name in my presence. This could be a day for first-times.

"I would love to share it with you, Leah. Unfortunately, your connection with the pack, especially with Jacob, hinders me from doing so. Besides, you'll learn about it too, this isn't just the perfect time to talk about it," I told her, careful not to be offensive.

She eyed me doubtfully and said, "You're not dating somebody from your school, are you?" Her voice was ringing with alarm.

"No, absolutely not. How can you even think of that?" I said indignantly.

"That's good. I was under the impression that you were avoiding Jake because you were seeing somebody else," she answered, untouched by my sudden annoyance. "Are you sure there's no competition?" she teased.

"Ugh! Leah, stop that. There's no other guy, puh-leez. If it isn't a killer to tell you the story first before Jake, I swear my fingers would be glad to park on your forehead just to shut you up," I ranted.

"Ooh, tetchy."

She had me roll my eyes on that, and I prodded the gas pedal, sending the car forward faster before she plunged into another round of taunting remarks. Let's see how she will react once I get around showing her what's eating me lately.

The crazy she-wolf was still sniggering when we parked in front of Emily's house. The smell of blueberry muffins in the oven wafted from the front door, while we climbed out of the car.

"Mmm… Yum, yum," Leah smacked her lips as she dragged me into the house. This is really weird. Is she warming up to me now after all the years of resentment? She took a seat in front of the counter and motioned me to take the seat at her left.

"Hi, Ness. It's nice to have you back here," Emily greeted.

"Thanks. I miss this place. The last time I came here was what, three weeks ago?"

"Hey, Ness!" Seth, Embry and Paul chorused.

"Hi guys," I greeted and mock punched their raised fists with mine.

"You sure know when to make an appearance, huh?" Paul jeered at Leah.

"I'm not like you Paul. I'm not here to raid the pantry," she retorted and threw side glances at me.

"So where's Jacob?" I asked.

Sure enough, the three guys convulsed with laughter, leaving my question hanging. It was Emily who took the liberty of answering it.

"He's in the toilet washing off the dough on his hair."

"He's got dough on his hair? Why?"

The answer to my question was temporarily put on hold when a tray full of muffins landed on the counter. Suddenly, the clacking sound of wood and bones emerged when Emily whacked with a wooden spoon a couple of overly eager hands. She deftly snatched up three of the humongous muffins, placed them on a plate and slid it between Leah and me.

Emily's experience with the pack gave her enough time to practice that food rescuing technique. It came handy when the other guys are around and she had to save her child's part on the food. Yeah, sometimes they just tend to forget that there's a child in the house. Sam and Emily now have a five-year old son named Joshua.

"Here's for you two," she said as the guys started wolfing down the muffins. "Guys, save some for Jake," she reminded the others.

After swallowing the last chunk of his muffin, Seth went on with the explanation to my question.

"It was purely for fun, kinda childish if you ask me. I told Jake that my sister wouldn't blow it off but for some reason he believed otherwise. So we dared him, as a consequence, we'll mash the dough on the loser's hair."

"Blow it off, meaning breaking my alone time?" I cleared.

"Ngyup!" Embry muttered through his full mouth.

I pushed a glass of water towards him and told him to rinse it down first before talking. At that moment, Jacob appeared into the kitchen, towel-drying his hair. He stopped and stood beside Seth. His face lit up like a child's face on Christmas when he saw me taking a bite off the muffin but he immediately dropped his gaze when he realized Leah was glowering at him. With the towel in hand, he whipped Seth and Embry and gave them dirty looks.

"You know what, you're unbelievable Jake!" Leah thundered.

I put a restraining hand on her forearm and felt her muscles tense with anger. A phasing wolf won't be much of a problem for me but Emily's scars were vivid reminders that she doesn't take it well. Even the furniture are not up to the task.

"Okay, okay. It was wrong but you were mumbling under your breath when you turned your back at me and ran into the woods," Jacob said in defense.

"Let me tell you this genius so you'll have an idea next time you send anyone to stalk on Ness. How do you think will I feel when you're telling me to tail somebody who clearly wants to be left alone?" she snapped at him.

Jacob merely shrugged his shoulders in response, which was disappointing. I tried to cue him to appease Leah. Discreetly, I cocked my head towards Leah and raised an eyebrow. But to no avail. Leah was still fuming when she tried to yank her arm free but it only made my grip tighter.

"Hold on," I whispered to her and turned to look at Jake.

"You did something wrong and we both know what needs to be done, Jacob."

He gave me a beseeching look, a flawed attempt to copy the sad puppy eyes that I use on him at times. My face melted into a beatific smile.

"Nice try, but that simply doesn't work on me Jake," I chuckled. "Besides I did my part before we stepped inside that door. Now, it's your turn."

"All right, my bad. It was uncalled for," he said apologetically.

"Ha ha. Next time you do something like that; make sure the loser will shave his hair off. We'll see if a big bald wolf would look great," she quipped.

The group's booming laughter echoed through the tiny kitchen, breaking the tension at last. Without a doubt, we had the same thing in mind—a furless wolf that looked like it suffered from a bad case of mange.

"You wish. I won't give you that pleasure, Miss Smartass," Jacob bantered.

"Hell, I'll be watching for that," Paul joined in.

We spent a few more minutes kidding each other before Jake and I bade them goodbye. We treaded along the lane with Jake shadowing my steps. I can feel his eyes boring into my back as we approached the car. In an attempt to shake off the ugly feeling, I whistled only to stop after three steps.

"Ness," Jacob called. My heart sputtered.

"Huh?" I mumbled without turning to look at him.

"Where are your shoes?"

"Inside the car."

"Why aren't you wearing them?"

"Because my feet are dirty and Alice would bite my head off if I ruin another pair of sandals."

"Silly."

Before I knew it, he was already carrying me in his arms. Confusion rendered me paralyze. Even my eyes and my lungs went on a temporary lock down until he set down on the passenger seat. He hasn't done anything yet so snap out of it, I thought.

It was a short and silent drive to the Black's red cottage. Nobody dared to move even after the engine was cut dead. An awkward kind of silence shrouded the car and the atmosphere grew tense, like a stretched giant rubber band. In one sweeping movement, I opened the door and jumped out. Extremely miffed by the way things are going.

One unexpected act from Jacob and my composure tottered to its fall, leaving me on emotional disarray. Fear and panic stirred under the surface and it was frightening, as these two emotions have a rather ugly effect on me. Once unleashed, the two will dismantle everything: the coherency of my thoughts, my steadiness. From that, there are only two possible outcomes. Either I would clam up or be a peach. Yes, Absence of moderation in both choices. Conversely, moderation will come in if I suck it up and regain my self-control. Hmm… I'll go with this one. Again.

"Ness?" Jake's voice brought me back to the present.

"Yeah?" I grunted.

"Are you all right?"

"I'm fine, unless you're planning to bake me under the sun." I joked lightly, trying to sound casual.

"Oh, yeah. Let's get inside."

He ushered me into the house and switched the TV on while I settled on the sofa. Relax, I told myself as I watched the pictures moving in front of me. He went to the fridge.

"Soda?" he asked.

"Sure, I'm already parched," I said after realizing that I hadn't had a drink since I woke up.

He handed me the soda and occupied the space beside me while I scanned the channels looking for something interesting.

"You don't look okay." His voice was wrapped with suspicion.

"What made you think so?" I asked without looking at him.

"This," he said and traced the shadows under my eyes. I flinched and he dropped his hands.

"Oh that," I sighed. "I've been having nightmares lately and I end up waking in the middle of the night. I also find it hard to go back to sleep after that."

"Do I get to know what scares you off?"

"Sure," I lied and I placed my hand on his cheek. The edited montage showed him the second part of my dream and my worries about it; quite misleading but not entirely untruthful.

"Have you told your parents about this?" he asked, concern painted all over his face.

"Yeah, that's why we had a talk last night."

"And?"

"They think it's better to take precautions, like not going into the woods alone."

"That's all?"

"Uh huh, should there be anything else other than that?"

"What about Alice?"

"The usual. She'll give us the heads up if she sees something unusual."

"Problem solved," he announced. I was able to catch myself before I spilled the beans, telling him how clueless he really is about the situation. He slid off the sofa and made himself comfortable on the floor and leaned his head against my leg.

"Why do you look so torn?" he suddenly asked.

"Excuse me?"

"If that was your problem the whole week, then why do you still look so upset?" he quizzed, transforming his observation into a question. He then turned to face me, propping himself up to rest his chin on my knee.

My heart thumped painfully as panic slithered back into my stomach, pitching it into a whirlpool. I looked at him and the dark pool of his eyes held my gaze; the intensity of it sent the words caroming inside my head. I forced my eyes shut to gather my thoughts.

"I'm sorry I can't answer that," I said, maintaining my eyes closed.

"Why?" he pressed on.

"For the simple reason that I can't discuss it with you," I continued, keeping my voice calm.

"Okay but will you promise to tell me when you're ready?"

"Sure."

"One more thing," he paused. "You'll tell me when you go out on a date with a guy, won't you?" he asked edgily.

This might be an idea shared within the pack, not only by Leah or Jacob. And Leah's earlier attempt to fish out the answer made this less surprising. I answered him calmly.

"Jake, I'm not dating anybody. Okay? So relax."

He smiled weakly before turning back to the TV. For a moment we watched in silence and after a while my fingers were combing through his cropped hair. His warm breath brush against my skin when he let a low purring sound—the kind that cats do when they're contented—and it sent shivers down my spine.

Time to turn the table.|

"So how's your week?" I asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

"Same, same."

"I still want to hear it," I insisted. "Besides it would be quite impossible to do the exact same things at exactly the same time under the same circumstances that you had last week. There's got to be something new."

I felt triumphant knowing Jake wouldn't argue with that.

"Why do you want to hear about it? It's boring anyway," he groaned.

"No, it's not boring. So come on tell me."

"Imagine my usual daily routine but with more frustration. That's my kind of week," he confessed bitterly.

"More frustration? Why?"

"Because my best friend decided to ignore my existence for a whole week and I had no idea why she's doing it. It made it difficult for me to concentrate on the things happening around the shop. Not to forget that I almost ruined a client's car."

"Are you mad at me?"

"Mad at you? No. Like I said, I'm frustrated. That's all."

"I'm sorry for causing you all that trouble. I wish I can tell you why."

"Then tell me."

My mouth twisted with chagrin.

"Oh, right. It's the unspeakable reason," he said to himself. "Why not let the burden unload itself?"

"I don't think it's something you just blurt out to your best friend Jake," I said sadly.

"So wait it is."

"Uh huh."

"But it's not a guy?"

"I could use some trust on this one, you know."

He let out a sigh and moved back to sit beside me and draped his arms at the backrest of the sofa.

"Sometimes you can be really, really stubborn," he teased.

"I like to call myself headstrong." I laughed and nudged him on the rib. "Both my parents are unyielding, remember?"

"And they were able to come up with a highly dangerous creature," he bantered.

The sun had vanished on the horizon when I entered the main house and was greeted by an empty room. Odd. Where had they gone to? I hastened towards the kitchen, where I can here some activity going on. There, I found Esme laboring in front of the stove.

"Mmm… Get a whiff of that," I sniffed appreciatively. "What's for dinner?"

"Minestone," Esme revealed.

"Yay!" I squeaked.

"I wish I could be as enthusiastic as you are for the Minestrone," Alice joked.

"Don't be too jealous. I'm still working on my endurance for human food. Sometimes they still creep me out but one thing's for sure though. Home cooked meals are far better than the ones they get to feed us in school."

"I'm glad you share the same sentiment." Another voice piped in.

"Mom," I said as she pulled me into a hug.

"Hi dad," I waved as he came into the room.

"There's my princess. How did it go?"

I scrunched up my nose and gestured with my hand—palm down and tilted it side to side.

"So- so, but I lived."


	4. Beautiful Stranger

(The characters included here were products of Stephenie Meyer's creative imagination)  
(If you have read this far, thanks so much and I hope you enjoy reading my work. I would also love to hear your comments and suggestions.)

* * *

**IV. Beautiful Stranger**  
The afternoon sky was dull gray when I pulled out of the parking lot. A while ago I promptly turned down Allan's invitation to join the group to grab some drinks at Port Angeles. I told him I had plans with some friends tonight.  
The day I made my escape to First Beach seems like a distant past although a week separate that day from the present. Before flying back to Switzerland, Alice urged me to face my problem. We were hunting in Goat Rocks when she pulled me aside while the others were busy doing their chase.  
"How are things between you and Jacob?" she asked pointedly.  
"Good," I answered ambiguously.  
"You know fully well what I'm talking about missy. Quit beating around the bush," she ordered. Normally, this should be annoying but it didn't bother me the least bit.  
"Frankly, I haven't said a word to him about it nor have I done something to give him a hint," I confessed bitterly.  
"Ness, I know I'm not supposed to snoop on this one but you need to do yourself a favor. Please stop dilly-dallying and constantly putting yourself on strain. I thought you've already sorted this out but I guess your awareness of the problem is just tip of the iceberg," she lamented.  
"I don't know Alice, I can't understand myself either. In my head I know what should be done but it all melts away when I'm with Jake. My emotions keep on dragging me to the opposite direction."  
"One way or another you'll need to face your troubles so pluck up. Okay?"  
"Easily said than done," I whimpered as I let my shoulders fall.  
I peered at my reflection in the rear-view mirror as the streetlight up ahead turned red. "Plucky," I told myself sarcastically.  
As usual, my tires found its mark in front of Jacob's auto shop. When Jake came back to La Push, he decided to put up his own mechanic shop in Forks, using the money that he was able to save from his part-time jobs while we were in Appalachia. Quil and Embry worked in the shop too. From time to time, other wolves would drop by.  
"Ness!" Claire squeaked excitedly.  
Eight years ago, I was younger than the girl drifting towards my direction but now I'm almost a decade older than her, physically. She forcefully pulled me into a hug, blowing her scent across my face. Strawberry, tangerine and jasmine. Sweet. Is she trying to get herself killed? I cleared my throat and winced when it crackled. I'm not even thirsty, for crying out loud. I held her at arm's length , discreetly fighting temptation.  
"Hi, Claire. Visiting Quil?" I asked through my teeth.  
"Yup! He said it's my turn to visit him since he did the last one."  
"It's good he asked you to come here. I've never seen you for a long time and I missed you."  
"I'm glad to be back too. Let's get inside before they finish all of the ice cream."  
After getting our shares of the ice cream, we dragged some chairs outside and chatted away. The light-hearted ambience was relaxing and comforting; a quick break from the tedium of daily chores.  
Good things never last. That's what the cliché said but just like the other clichés, there's some truth in it. As if it was summoned by some malevolent spirit to break our good cheer, a bubblegum pink Volkswagen Beetle parked beside by car and honked at us rudely, making Claire jump off her seat. What the heck was that for? I almost yelled at the featherbrain behind the wheels. The car door opened in an irritatingly slow manner, as if it was entirely deliberate. A pair of female feet came into view. I knew they were female's feet because whoever it was, was wearing glossy baby blue stilettos. Before I realized what she will be to me later on, my living nightmare emerged from the confines of her girly auto.  
Donned in a tight-fitting peekaboo mini-dress, a tall and sexy brunette ran towards us and launched herself on Jacob's lap; almost knocking me off the bench in the process. I stood up to inspect my clothes to see if the ice cream found a way into my shirt. Gladly, nothing was in the wrong place so I finished my ice cream before another catastrophe strikes again.

In mere seconds my initial disfavor for the girl escalated to extreme loathing. A flashback of her blunders surfaced. First, the rude honking. Second, she almost kicked the ice cream into my face. Third she bumped me off my seat beside Jake. And now she's cuddling Jacob. My Jacob.  
An ugly, horrible pain tightened around my chest. And the maddening surge of negative emotions made my head spin, and had me gritting my teeth. I so badly wanted to tear her apart, limb per limb, but I stopped myself from carrying out the act and my arms shook in protest. Then there's the pricking sensation in my eyes, as tears slid into position. I can feel my body turning into something dangerously breakable, like a bubble about to burst at the slightest touch, like a thin ice over a lake in winter. I can't stay here any longer and bear witness to this disservice. I turned on my heels and plodded woodenly towards the car.  
"Ness, where are you going?" I kept walking but I knew it was Jacob asking.  
"I forgot I had to get something from my classmate for our Physics project." I responded dully.  
"I'll go with you."  
"Stay here. It will just bore you out," I snapped and slid into the car seat. The engine let out a feral snarl, something I wanted to do myself, and the tires squealed as I spun sharply out the lot. I raced back home at full speed, heedless of the traffic and Charlie's words if he hears about my recklessness. I was fighting tears throughout the ride.  
Great drops of tears trickled down my face when I veered from the main road and entered the driveway. I let the tires crawl to a stop after going on a few meters. I slumped over the wheel and buried myself under an avalanche of emotions. My voice was caught in a tangle of sobs and screams. In the absence of lies and self-control, throes claimed me.  
Without a word, a pair of strong arms scooped me up and handed me to another set waiting at the backseat.  
"We'll be home soon honey," my mother whispered into my ear and I pressed my face on her shoulder, staining her camel knit dress.  
Bella bolted through the front room and settled me on the couch as Edward trailed behind us.  
"What happened?" she asked.  
I said nothing but I looked at my father.  
"Reneesme, your mother wants to know what happened and why are you hurting like this," Edward said softly. What's the use? Can't he just tell her since he's already in it? Why don't they just leave me alone? I'm not in the mood for chit-chat. I was prepared to cast an accusing look at my father but the when I looked at him, I saw his pain and it shook my resolve. It was pain over my grief. I can see the horrid reflection of my wretched self in his golden eyes. Bella mirrored his grief. I can't find the strength to tell the story verbally, I showed it to them instead.  
"You're jealous," Bella said slowly.  
Jealous. The word made me pout but I nodded just the same. I hate to admit it but I'm dead scared that someday Jacob will get bored of me and he will find someone else.  
"And mad at her and most especially to myself," I grunted.  
"If that's how you feel about it then why not win him back? I think he would be pleased if you'd do that," Edward suggested.  
The confidence that Edward and Bella have on my ability to gain Jacob's affection puzzled me. Sometimes they make me feel like I've been questioning the objectiveness of a well-established fact.

"Two girls fighting for Jacob Black's affection. Jake would definitely get a kick from that," Bella said jokingly.  
"Don't worry, this is a fight you can easily win, honey," Edward urged and smiled.  
There's that confidence again and it's setting off an alarm in my head. Just then a phone buzzed. Edward took the cellphone out of his jacket pocket. Who could it possibly be?  
"Hello, Jacob."  
From the other end, I can hear Jacob worriedly asking for me.  
"Yes, she was able to get here safely but I'm afraid she won't be able to talk to you as of the moment. She doesn't feel good," Edward said calmly.  
Another frantic question on the other end.  
"Yes, I understand your concern but she's resting now."  
Jacob's voice quieted.  
"That won't be necessary at all. I assure you, she's fine. Maybe she'll see you tomorrow after class."  
There's the sound of defeat when Jacob answered.  
"Good night too," Edward said and clicked the phone off.  
Bella turned to me and cupped my face in her hands. "Stop wearing yourself out tonight. The battle begins tomorrow," she chuckled. The alarm set off again. Sheesh! Their reaction would suit better if I was to perform at a dance recital but no, this is far from wearing a tutu and twirling at the center stage with the other girls in town.  
"Win him back if you don't want to see him locked in another woman's embrace," Edward prodded.

The far end of my closet precariously housed most of the satin, silk and frilly frocks, which I'm not inclined to wear. On some weekends, I would bring out an item from that section to humor Alice or even Rosalie. Thankfully, Alice's stubbornness in giving me all the girly items will finally be put to use. I made a mental note to send her a thank you letter.  
Wrapped in a towel, I stood there thinking what to wear from rack upon rack of clothes. There's just too much of fabric in here. This is too confusing and there's a big chance I won't get out of here in time. I need a strategy to pick my clothes. Nothing too drastic; maybe something from my usual palette but in a different material and cut.  
I walked out of the closet with a white tank top, with black floral print and black lace accents in one hand, and a pair of black skinny pants on the other. With the school dress code in mind, I grabbed a bolero to cover my exposed shoulders. A pair of peeptoe pumps completed the look. I can imagine Alice's delighted cheers knowing I have stepped into a pair of these. Since last year, she's been trying to force me into one of these killers but I've buried them under the more favored flats and sneakers.  
"A wonderful choice to start off," Edward commented as I crossed the cottage's living room.  
"My baby looks so beautiful, as always," Bella said softly as she held me at arm's length before pulling me into a quick hug.  
"Gee, stop it guys. You're making me blush," I teased.  
"Give her a fight she won't forget," Bella added excitedly.  
"Bella?" Edward cautioned.  
"It was meant to be taken figuratively," she defended. He chuckled and insisted on driving me to school, for a change.  
The sky was dark today and I hope that it won't rain too hard today and I'm keeping my fingers crossed for that. I was on my way towards the English building when someone called my name.  
"Hey Ness!" Allan shouted from behind.  
"Morning," I mumbled. He nodded in response.  
"Look at you, huh. Man, you're hot. You should wear more of these things rather than the t-shirts that you normally wear."  
That was disgusting and I don't need my father's gift to know the gross things running on this guy's mind to realize the kind of thoughts he's entertaining. He was leering at me, the way a starving hyena looks at a piece of meat. I wonder what kept my father from making a U-turn and rip this boy's head off. I pity this boy too, knowing that he will never be able to lay his hands on me. For him, it would feel like weaving a rope of sand. But I'd like to see him try, just to know if he can get away with it without having hell to pay for it.  
"Thanks but I'm more of a mood dresser," I said frostily.  
He nodded again, the way stuffed dogs in the car's dashboard do, their heads bobbing stupidly.  
"So who was that dude?" he said after a few seconds of silence.  
"I'm sorry, who?"  
"The one who drove you here this morning," his tone became unpleasantly nosy.  
"Oh, that guy you saw happens to be my father," I said with a flash of irritation. This guy definitely needs to be taught some manners.  
"Your dad, huh? He doesn't look like he's old enough to have you as his daughter."  
"I'm adopted, remember?"  
"Yeah. So, I was wondering if you'd like to get a ride home later, you know, since your car's not here."  
"Thanks for offering but my best friend's going to pick me up later. Besides, I think it's best if you would concentrate more on your girlfriend. She won't like it if you'll keep on badgering me for a ride."  
"Don't worry, she won't mind. Now that we've broken up," he said casually.  
"What? Again?"

"So, can I drive you home later?" he asked again, not quite listening to my words earlier and absolutely being cocky this time.  
Bug off, creep.  
"I told you, my best friend's going to pick me up later." A lie, but I'll make sure someone will pick me up later.  
"How about tomorrow?" His hopes not yet wavering.  
"Don't get your hopes too high."  
"I'll wait," he said smugly.  
My fist was wondering what it's like to punch a stupid face like Allan's. Testosterone-charged creatures constitute almost sixty percent of Forks High School student populace. But despite the number, none of them succeeded in asking me out on a date. I can name two reasons why. First, I'm not really interested in any of them. Sure, there are cute guys around here but nobody stood out, like they were all made from the same mold. Second, I'm prohibited from having any serious relationship with other humans. It's not much of a sacrifice for me since it would make the charade easier. Allan's the first to act like this around me. Kudos for him.  
After graduation, my parents and I are bound to join Carlisle and the others. For the first time, I'll be joining them in high school as Edward's twin sister, and I have a feeling that he will be overprotective, and that would spoil all the fun. But guys like Allan make the idea more enjoyable.  
"Hey guys," Scott greeted.  
"Hi!" I greeted back.  
"Are you ready for our oral exam in Spanish?" Scott probed. Awesome. He just rescued me. Aside from his being so sickly, this fawn-haired boy is much more manageable than the silver-haired hyena on my other side. Scott's more of a geeky type, and as Edward told me Scott's fantasies are lame compared to the other guys. Besides, he's already intimidated by me so he won't probably cross the line.  
I used his question as an excuse to ignore Allan since he's not in our Spanish class.  
"All set," I said with confidence. We rambled on until Allan waved at us as he made his way to Calculus.  
Curious stares riveted to my direction when I got inside the room and I can't help myself but raise an eyebrow at everyone who met my questioning look. Most of them looked away quickly, embarrassed by the gaffe.  
"What's wrong with these people?" I mumbled mostly to myself.  
"Don't mind them. Maybe they're just shocked with your new look," Scott muttered.  
And I thought I was discreet. Dang.  
For the most part of my stay in Forks, I've tried not to draw attention to myself, hence the absence of attention-grabbing qualities of my favored pieces of clothing. The effect I had in mind earlier when I picked my clothes for today seems like an illusion to me now.  
At lunch, the girls took a separate table and the guys kept Allan company. The set up gave me the necessary distance from Allan and it pleased me.  
"Wow, you're prettier today," Colleen complimented. I flushed and thought if Jake would think that too.  
"Sure did," Lily sniffed. Her eyes were puffy, making it obvious that she isn't the least bit happy over her latest breakup with her moronic boyfriend. "If I've worn something like that yesterday maybe we would still be together," she continued sourly.  
I sighed heavily and glanced over to the guys who were six tables away from us. My face contorted into a grimace when Allan winked at me. Gross. Luckily, none of the other girls in our table took notice of that. After that I decided to focus on our table, where each of us took turns comforting Lily's wounded heart. Or should I say ego?  
There was still the question of who will pick me up after school so I excused myself earlier to dash out and call Jake.  
"Hello, Jake?" I mumbled as I get inside the car.  
"Ness?" he asked, sounding confused.  
"I'm terribly sorry for what happened last night…" I trailed off, remembering last night's events and shook my head to clear it.  
"Ness, what's wrong?"  
"Yeah, um, can you pick me up after school? Edward drove me to school this morning, and he won't be around to pick me up later," I babbled. "If it's okay with you," I added tentatively. Who knows what the other girl got him for today?  
"Sure, no problem."  
"Yay! Thanks. See you soon. Bye."  
"Bye."  
The room was still empty when I arrived for my Physics class. With no one to distract me, my mind wandered to things about to happen later. You'll have a paranoid wolf you give him too much me time, Leah's voice rang in my head. Apparently, I'm having the same predicamenr. In desperation, I flipped my notebook open and doodled, concentrating very hard on the image. Gradually, the room was filled with animated babbling as students poured in. But everything went hush when Ms. Dawes came in. Although young, her no-nonsense attitude commands respect. It makes me think she isn't somebody you'd want to cross and it makes a good excuse to pay attention to class. As the clock ticked nearer to the end of the period, paranoia had me again. When I walked to gym, my mind was in full blast again thinking of the possible things that might or might not happen.  
Gym has never been difficult for me. With my vampire abilities I'm more than capable of playing sports; notwithstanding the need to control my strength. Or else I'll end up accidentally killing one of these fragile humans.  
Inimically, today's gym was hell. We were playing volleyball and I was contemplating on what I should say to Jacob later. I also need to know about the gauche girl. That's when it happened.  
Absentmindedly, my eyes locked on the back of one of my teammates and I looked up just in time to see the ball half a foot away from my face. My hand shot up instinctively in front of me, hitting the ball back towards the other team, and as it rocketed through the air, somebody bravely—or should I say stupid—tried to block it. Sustaining injuries during PE can be quite normal, especially if there's a klutz around, but I am no klutz and I have no right to be one. I can easily become the most dangerous klutz ever. The muffled crunch of a breaking nose made my blood slither from my face. Oh no.  
I rushed over to Kimberly Evans, ignoring the uncomfortable bloodlust, to see the extent of damage that I've inflicted on her. Bloodcurdling screams reverberated across the gym as thick, crimson blood oozed from her smashed nose. Edward and Bella are going to be upset about my slip up.  
"Oh my God, I'm so sorry. It was my fault. I should've been more careful…" the words came in a rush while I panicked. It was a relief when Coach Clapp whisked her away so she can go to the hospital. The scent of fresh human blood was unutterably tempting it made my throat burst into flames.  
Despite our nature, human blood is not an essential part of our diet. It's never easy to rein in our desire for it but we're giving it our best. Although my mother and I are comparatively younger than the other members of the family, we've never fed on humans before, not even by accident. I also had to keep in mind that I had a bet with my uncles and I'm pretty sure I can win that one without breaking a sweat. I only have two years to go so I can finish a whole decade with a clear record.  
Coach Clapp dismissed us early but instructed us to stay inside the Gym until the bell rings for our next period. Kimberly's friends were now giving me the cold shoulder, and that I understand. It's just so embarrassing that there were people cheering me up. Somebody, I can't remember who the idiot was, even said "Great spike you got there Cullen!" just within earshot of my victim's friends. I called Edward and explained what happened. He must be disappointed with me but he gave the assurance that everything will be all right.  
I was harrowing myself over the incident while I trudged the path going to Calculus. The lunch group, minus the estranged couple, was outside the classroom. Clearly, they must've heard the news and they're waiting for first hand account of the hideous event.  
"There you are. Where have you been?" Colleen asked worriedly.  
"I called my dad to tell him what happened here," I responded plainly.  
"It was a pretty nasty spike, huh?" Dean commented. I can't help the grimace that flashed across my face.  
"How are you feeling?" Allan asked. I wasn't the one who got hurt so why is he so nervous about me?  
"Aside from the fact that I'm upset about the incident, I'm perfectly in tip top shape. I was the one who catapulted the ball towards the poor girl's face, remember?" I pointed out icily.  
Mr. Varner held us a little late to give us an assignment. I quickly gathered my things and dashed out of the room. I stopped to scan the vehicles in the lot, looking for Jacob. It didn't take long though. Jake's long, muscular frame towered among the other students even as he leaned on his sleek, black bike. He waved his hand when he saw me and smiled.  
A brief flicker of irritation flashed through me when Allan's cold, drawling voice came from behind me. "Free ride still up for grabs," he said coolly.  
I sighed in exasperation and started to walk slowly with him beside me. Ever since I crossed paths with Allan Adams I knew his interest in me, warning courtesy of my father. During my first week in Forks High School, Edward went to the woods fringing the school premises and from there he monitored the thoughts of the people around me. When I get back to the house, he would let me in on what the people were thinking. The expression on his face was priceless when he told me the impure thoughts Allan had about me. My dad looked like he wanted to to tear the pathetic boy into pieces. It wasn't easy to convince him that I wouldn't give the boy an opportunity to realize those things.  
Bella warned me too about teenaged boys and the crazy things they'd do to get the girl to notice them. She told me—over and over again until her words were ringing in my ears—that diplomacy is necessary in a small town like Forks. She knew me well enough to know my problem on keeping my tact when I'm at my wit's end.  
Even having been surrounded by males—a pack of mostly male wolves and four male vampires—didn't do much to prepare me for other males. The wolves were like brothers to me and the vampires were, well, my family. So they're all ruled out when it comes to showing romantic inclination towards me. Consequently, that makes me ignorant in the business of euphemistically turning down boys. Needless to say, a guy as blunt as Allan will be an ordeal.  
"Thanks really but my ride's here," I said calmly. For once I've spoken to him without ire. Right. Habitual rejection minus the unpleasantness may still work on him. I waved to Jake and he started to approach us.  
"Hello," he mumbled as he reached for my bag.  
"Thanks for coming over. By the way, I'd like you to meet Allan. He's my classmate," I said, putting more emphasis on the word classmate.  
I then turned to Allan, who stood agape, appraising Jake's built.  
"Allan, this is Jacob, my best friend," I said, snapping him out of his trance.  
"Nice to meet you," Allan murmured and reached his hand out, which Jake shook with unnecessary force that almost ripped the arm off the human's shoulder.  
"Same here," Jake replied with a malicious glint in his eyes.  
"So I'll just see you in class tomorrow," I said to Allan as we took our leave. He nodded and lumbered off to his car.  
"You're so mean," Jake grinned.  
"What?" I asked innocently. He's the one giving bone-crushing handshakes, now it's me he's accusing of being mean.  
"You used me to scare the boy away."  
"That never occurred to me. Thanks anyway. I guess that gives him a great deal to think about. I had no idea how to ward him off."  
"He's bugging you?"  
"A lot, lately."  
"You don't like him?"  
"Absolutely not. Now, can we not talk about him?"  
"Sure, sure. So where to now, princess?"  
I brought a finger to my chin and tapped it.  
"House."  
We pulled into the meadow and stopped by the front porch. The house was silent. Obviously, my parents were still out. Edward might still be at the hospital attending to the needs of my victim. On the other hand, Bella's still at the shop in Port Angeles. The lack of well-stocked bookstore in Clallam County was the reason why Bella decided to put up her own bookstore in Port Angeles, and it's bigger than the other bookstores there too.  
The silence sent a wave of sadness through me. I miss the rest of the family. We only have months to go before we finally join them and I took comfort on that.  
"Where are they?" Jake wondered aloud.  
Most of the time, my parents stayed close whenever Jake pays me a visit. It's one of the few things I don't like about them. No matter how much they deny it, they are guilty of hovering around. It's frustrating enough to not have some sort of privacy but to make things worse I can feel they're doing it on purpose because they're keeping something from me and they want to make sure that I'm out of it. Now, why would Jake keep something from me?  
Since I was born, Jacob had been my constant companion. He's everything to me: protector, playmate, nanny, confidante, best friend. And the gnawing curiosity bothers me. What are they hiding from me? How can Jake do this to me when I've trusted him with my secrets? Until the nightmares begun.  
"Maybe mom's still in Port Angeles. And dad might still be in the hospital looking after my victim." I shrugged.  
"Don't tell me you lost control and took a bite off somebody," Jacob panicked.  
I realized my mistake in choosing the wrong words. I laid a hand on his cheek to show him the afternoon's tragedy.  
"You really need to be careful next time," he said, calming down knowing I didn't end up killing anybody.  
"I feel bad about it too. I just hope she'll heal quickly."  
"Too bad she's not a wolf," he chortled.  
"Too bad she isn't a stone," I chuckled. "I have an idea for dinner," I blurted out. A light bulb moment to change the subject.  
"And what would that be?" Jake asked suspiciously.  
"We're going to cook Chicken Alexandra."  
"Okay, let's go.  
The taste of human food pales in comparison to blood but I need to learn to endure it. Besides, it's an alternative source of nutrition. When we were finished with our dinner we flitted to the living room to watch TV. Jake stretched himself in the middle of the sofa while I perched myself on one end. Jake cleared his throat theatrically as he flipped through the channels, obviously to get my attention. I moved my head my head a fraction towards him, keeping my eye on the TV.  
"Strange," he started. His face was serious.  
I eyed him questioningly. There was a strange flicker in his eyes  
"This is the second day we've seen each other and it's just Thursday."  
So?  
"I'm sorry. You lost me there."  
"It's not that I'm complaining but I'm not allowed to see you during weekdays. You made that rule remember?" He mentioned each word with exaggerated slowness as if he's talking to an imbecile but it was enough to put my mind on alert. Relax, you can do this, I chanted to myself.  
"Yes, I remember that one."  
He looked at me like I've left my sentence hanging. "Then why?"  
Relax, breathe.  
"It's been lifted. I'm having a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde thing going on right now," I said with chagrin.  
"And the clothes? Are they part of it too?"  
"It's part of that."  
He breathed heavily. Probably out of frustration.  
"Does this have anything to do with your unspeakable secret?"  
Why does he have to be so perceptive today? I had to remind myself that he's my best friend and that ought to give him plenty of time to learn the workings of my mind.  
I smiled wryly and nodded in response. To my surprise, Jacob's face contorted, like he's in… Pain. Did I hurt him by not telling him whatever's bothering me? Or is it because he can't do anything to ease my worries?  
Just then, the sound of a car easing up as it turned on the driveway caught my attention. After a few seconds, Bella and Edward emerged into the room and leaned down to kiss the top of my head.  
"Welcome back," I said softly. The striking difference between their mien was distracting.. Bella was smiling, probably amused by the fact that I'm with Jake tonight. Edward, on the contrary, looked apprehensive. I wonder why, but of course, I know better than to ask.  
"Hey guys," Jake said. Bella gave him a brief hug then he received a pat on the shoulder from my father.  
"Did you win the first round?" she said without warning. My jaw fell open in mortification but I snapped it shut immediately. I turned on my seat to face her simultaneously hiding my face from Jacob who was throwing us suspicious looks.  
"I think so but I cheated," I said through my teeth and saw Edward shot her a warning look.  
"Dinner?" My dad asked, changing the subject.  
"We already ate," I said quickly.  
"Let's go now so we can get back early," he whispered into my mom's ear as he wheeled her towards the back door. We watched them disappear into the night.  
"What was that?" Jake asked as soon as they were gone.  
Oh crap. He caught that. I argued with myself internally for a while but in the end I decided to stick to the truth, somehow.  
"It's about Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde."  
"Can I know more about it?"  
"They're playing a game. Mr. Hyde took over and they won but he cheated."  
"Why would he do that?"  
"He wanted to get something back and to be able to do that he needed to win the game."  
Good. I can talk to him this way without losing my bearing. Referring to me as either Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde is quite weird though.  
"Is it worth it?"  
"Yes it is."  
He nodded while looking as though he is considering my words.  
"So the game's still on?"  
"Uh huh."  
"Do I get to see the final round?"  
"They got a front row ticket for you," I said playfully.  
You are already watching the game Jake. You will definitely get front row tickets for every game. It's a relief he's not the mind reader.  
After that, he turned his attention to the comedy flick, giving me time to attend to my assignments. Every now and then he would burst into guffaws, but nothing more to disrupt my train of thoughts. So, in what seemed no time, I finished my assignments and all my things were going back to my bag. I curled up on the sofa instead of seeking privacy in my own room.  
When I woke up the next morning, my room came into view. I don't remember walking up the stairs last night; traces of Jacob's scent lingered in my room so it must be him who took me here. He left a note on my bedside table saying he had to leave early to open the shop. I need to start preparing for my classes too so I flew down the stairs and went into the forest in dead sprint.  
Instead of walking into the front door, I went around the cottage and entered my room through my garden door. Like an echo of the morning ritual I had yesterday, I found myself standing at the frilly frocks section of my closet, and got out with a printed chiffon top with black lining and a pair of black leggings. I'm quite surprised with myself when I realized that I'm starting to enjoy some of the items that I once regarded with indifference.  
The gray cloak of gloom that almost always sweeps across the skies was already in place. The day hardly started for me but I already wanted it to end to see Jacob. This has been my new fixation and I know that this will eventually lead to the conclusion of my misgivings. Concern was noticeable on the smooth features of my father's face when I saw them on my way out. I've never been disturbed like this before, vacillating between things, it was so unlike me. But I shrugged it off, I knew I'm practically clinging on the ends of my willpower in keeping my feelings unknown to Jake.  
I drove to school early, eager to start the day. At the back of my head, I wished the gesture would miraculously act as a fastforward button, sending my classes into a faint blur around me. But the Dr. Jekyll in me pointed out that it is beyond my powers to affect time. Nobody can change time even if you end up cross-eyed for staring at your watch for too long.  
The picnic benches at the south side of the cafeteria were all wet; it must've been raining early in the morning, so I tugged my coat to keep my clothes from the sodden wood as I settled myself on the seat. By the looks of it, I'm the only student around; the dials on my wristwatch told me it was still ridiculously early. I took my notebook out and flipped on the back page, which was already full of vague scrawls. But it wasn't enough to hamper me from harassing the paper by doodling more on it.  
Throughout the day I've both consciously and unconsciously tortured the same page over and over again. I sat through my classes fidgeting all the while and by the time I closed my notebook, the last page was badly mutilated by my mindless scrawls and pockmarks. I swear it could've picketed outside if it was alive.  
There was a Dodge Durango in the garage, and Quil and Embry were busying themselves with it. There was a rock song playing on the radio and they were singing along with it. I wend my way closer to the vehicle, dodging puddles of oil on the floor. I tapped on the hood, calling their attention.  
"Ness, what are you doing here?" asked, obviously taken by surprise, as he rolled out under the vehicle.  
"Sorry to disrupt you guys but I'm wondering if you can spare Jake today." I knew I was being selfish again but if I keep this up, the sooner I'll give up my worries. I was expecting indecisiveness; instead they gave each other nervous glances before giving me an answer.  
"Uhm, he's in La Push," Embry said and I can hear apprehension in his voice. That puzzled me.  
"Did something wrong happen to him? Or to Billy?" I asked, adding the last part thinking the old man might've had an attack again.  
"No, it's not that…" Embry trailed off.  
"Then why?" I demanded. My face felt like stone but I knew something was off with my expression when Embry took a couple of steps back.  
"Andrea was here a while ago and she asked Jake to take her to First Beach." He looked as if he was subjected to the Inquisition. I felt sorry for him, in spite of the questions exploding like fireworks inside my head.  
Just who in God's name is Andrea and why would Jake bother to take her to First Beach? If she's a relative then why haven't I heard Jake mention her name before? And the worst: Are they dating?  
"Who?" I managed to ask, rearranging my features into a more flat expression while keeping my temper from flaring up.  
"Andrea Parry. You saw her the other day when Claire was here," Quil prompted.  
Ugh, not the skank.  
"Oh yes, I remember her," I said. The obnoxious one that I so wanted to kill with my own hands, I wanted to add. No wonder these two look so uncomfortable. I debated internally on whether I should make a dash for it or to leave them alone. But it was quite obvious that I won't do any good around the garage. "I guess I'll just see you guys tomorrow, seeing the Durango's got you for now," I said and lumbered back to my car.  


* * *

**(Note: I'm still working on Chapters 5 to 7. This may take a while so please bear with me. It would take 40 mugs of coffee to disentangle my snarled thoughts. Criticisms would help a lot, too. Thanks. =^_^=)**


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